I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
