I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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