I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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