My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
