her vagine was all disorganized.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
