Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
