So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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