I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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