i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
