Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't make out with my wife yet
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
