thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
