If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
