one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
