Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't deserve a penis
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
