i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
