dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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