i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
