It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
