She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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