Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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