I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
