Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
