Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
