Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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