i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
