You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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