One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
