dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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