I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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