escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize