another moral hangover. fuck.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
