I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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