Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
