We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
