called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
