This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
whose parrot is this?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
