This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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