my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
