I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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