I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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