I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm passing your future prison.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
