I just saw a hot homeless man
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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