there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
