im drinking this country out of the recession.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
