never play flip cup with pint glasses
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
