So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
