Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
