how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
