so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
