the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
