i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
