No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
