His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
