Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize