yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
