you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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