why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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