Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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