i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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