Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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