I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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