I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
