You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
that's an acceptable place to lick
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
