i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Someone signed my nipple.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
