Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think people are normalizing furries
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
