is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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